I used to be on IM all the time, so much so it was cutting into work time and distracting me. I agree the best way for first contact is an email, I even like an old fashioned phone call!
I definitely see your point about e-mail, sometimes they just fall through the cracks. I endeavor to be super responsive to people I’m interested in connecting with, but sometimes too much comes at you at once and an e-mail get’ lost in the flood. Since I know this happens to me from time to time, I have no problem sending a “reminder” message to people who I have e-mailed who haven’t responded after a few days. I’d say 90% of the time I get a positive quick repsonse, like: “thanks, I’ve been swamp, will reply soon” or something like that. It also shows the perosn you’re e-mailing that you really do want to talk to them, which is encouraging and gives more incentive to reply even if they are extremely busy.
It can be a tricky balance between trying to be helpful vs. going above and beyond for free. I love to help people – that’s why I’m blogging – but it does amaze me sometimes how demanding some people can be when I’m doing all of this on my own time! I’m sure many can relate.
I like it when people offer the best way to contact them. Although it differs for people, you can tell if their contact information is very difficult to find it’s probably for a reason. If someone offers in more than one context that their e-mail or their contact form is how to reach them, it’s important to respect that. Patience is also another important aspect, I struggle with my non-tech friends who sometimes ask me what Twitter is, etc. Great list, Monica!
Great post, and I really wish people understood this more. Since I work for an internship-providing organization, I help a lot of college kids, which is awesome, but there’s nothing more annoying than getting a work-related question via facebook message! It is really strange sometimes how demanding people can be. And I really like being connected all the time — via blackberry, gchat, email, IM, twitter, skype, etc — but the fact that we have more ways for people to contact us means that people expect you to be super responsive immediately, all the time. I agree with Allie. It’s a tricky balance between wanting to help people and wanting some sanity.
I’ve been doing a lot of Skype video recently. You know because you and I had one last week :)
I think it’s almost as good as sitting down with the real person. I’m now moving to Skype video for a lot more things such as interviewing interns for my company, or when meeting a person for the first time.
I would always be quick to set up a coffee meeting with someone who randomly messaged me through my blog. I was excited to meet a reader or someone who could potentially help my company. As it turns out, a lot of people just don’t bring that much value to the table. Coffee usually means a 45 minute chat; if you include driving, you add on at least another 30 minutes. So you’re talking about 1.5 hours per coffee meeting.
Nowadays, I will first do a Skype video chat with you, and then if we really hit it off, I’ll set up a time to meet you in person.
Hopefully I don’t sound conceited in any way. My time is just really valuable. You know as well as anyone else that as a startup or freelancer, you need to really optimize your time or you might not be able to pay the rent next month.
Hi Monica!
I am so with you on the phone and IM thing, how people always expect you to be available on the phone. A major pet peeve of mine is when people call you for no reason except to fritter away time. I hate being on phones and I only call if I need to set up a time to meet (“I’ll meet you at XX at 5pm” or “I’m on my way, I’ll be there in 15 minutes” *click*). Often I will put my phone in my bag and forget I have it for days at a time. Because of that people complain to me that I’m really hard to get in contact with but I refuse to be a slave to the phone. Why should I? In my experience, people have used cell phones as an excuse to be flaky. If they know you don’t always answer they are less likely to flake out.
As a side note, I really like your blog! I hope you don’t stop writing anytime soon.
What a great post! You gave me a very good laugh, which I needed today.
I found myself getting overwhelmed by all of the ways I could be reached. I think I let myself be available too much and it started affecting my personal and family life. I now have it narrowed down to just a few ways: Facebook, Twitter, Email and Skype. I have these all nicely organized on my webtop (basically an online desktop) so I can access them easily. I also started telling people my business hours and letting them know that after 5, I couldn’t be reached. So far, people have respected that!
This was a great post and I wholly empathise. I reached melting point towards the end of last year. Overflowing inbox, people constantly wanting something for free and expecting me to do things on my time, and wondering when I was supposed to find the time to run my business. I then established boundaries with readers but also with company’s I work with and who approach me and life changed dramatically because I managed people’s expectations and made clear that my time is valuable and that if it’s not a two way street (this is especially with businesses looking for favours), I’m not interested. Short of being Inspector Gadget, I can only be and do so much and that’s the key thing – you can’t be all things to all people.
Those are some really good points. Especially about the “pay to play” part. When I used to have more time and be more into the webdesign world of the early 2000s I used to get tons of IMs and emails from people asking me for help. It’s like they expected me to not have a life of my own and respond to their every request immediately and for free. That’s tough. I like the note about people’s preferred communication. You’re right though, if people are not as into email as they are phone calls, you’ll have to wait quite a while to get a response. I also like your note there about people not asking for a reply. That’s one thing they teach us at work in our email workshops is to create actions for people so they know what to do with your message.
What you wrote is very true. The other day someone I met online offered to help me with something (I didn’t ask) and asked for my email, which I gave to her. Then she wrote me some questions. I didn’t respond for 3-4 days, and I got another email from her informing me that she never got a response and that she still wanted to help. I thought it was very strange that she had to remind me of something that I didn’t really ask for in the first place. and was being “pushy” about the timeline I was supposed to respond to her by! Maybe I had a life outside of twitter and emails?And I agree that with social media, you can filter how much you want to respond and when to respond (especially the when part). That is why I dislike IM’s so much.
Thanks for this post! I often feel overwhelmed with emails and do not answer as diligently. Sometimes, perhaps frequently, I feel guilty about this because it might seem rude, but I really don’t think it should be perceived that way. (Clients, of course, do get special treatment.)Often times I do forget to reply to emails and messages–I mark them on Gmail and they, as you say, fall through the cracks. And forget IM! What a time waster! Even Linkedin, FB, and Twitter–I check in about once a week, if that. I’d rather spend my time working and doing things I love away from the computer in my spare time. Thanks for bringing me some peace of mind about this!
Monica,What you write about having differences in communication methods between you and your husband — it gives me hope. I was recently dating a guy who is a sort of “social media phobe” — not only does he hate to participate in texting, email, facebooking, twittering, he groans and rolls his eyes at these methods of communication and only prefers the phone. While that relationship did not work out — and arguments we’ve had over social media unfortunately did play a role in the eventual demise — it’s nice to know for some people, this isn’t a huge obstacle. Amy
I sincerely hope I don't run across another article of yours. If you are doing the pollinating we should all be looking out for killer bees. What a bitch.
I sincerely hope I don't run across another article of yours. If you are doing the pollinating we should all be looking out for killer bees. What a bitch.
I am still always on IM but I tend to not respond if I’m too busy, or I’ll respond in short and quick blips only when I’m asked a question. I rarely, if ever, contact someone via IM, just because it can be so distracting when someone is working on something else.
I like phone calls, but I really like when they are scheduled for some reason. I think it’s silly for people to expect you to always pick up your phone – it’s kind of like the IM thing just in a different medium.
Just my thoughts though – I think if you really want to get a hold of someone, you should contact them the way they like to be contacted. Ie: if I wanted to contact you I’d just pick up the phone – even though it’s not my first choice, it’s yours!
I think a little persistence can pay off. I really feel bad when I tell someone I’ll help them and then I forget – all I think is “why didn’t he remind me?” People shouldn’t be too shy about those things.
Yes, definitely. I still don’t always know where to draw the line, personally. The problem is the more you give away for free, the less people value your service.
That’s a good point. Literary agents are a great example: they give very specific instructions for how they want to be contacted, and each one has different preferences. But the surest way to get rejected is to contact them a different way than they’ve prescribed – they throw your query straight out!
I think for many people, especially people who aren’t blogging and putting themselves out there, the email is pretty manageable. I remember before my blog when I didn’t really get that much email – now it’s like a three-ring circus in my inbox. Facebook contact for business seriously annoys me – I was on Facebook when it first started and will never get past how Facebook is for inside jokes on the wall, sharing stupid stuff, and looking at pictures of your friends on Sunday afternoon when everyone posts pictures from the weekend.
I really can’t understand why people use FB messaging for serious communication, but whatever. To each his own, I just tend not to respond to those when I get them!
So true – I found this out when I launched a free tool to connect creative students to mentors. As rewarding as it is, I am sometimes amazed by what people will come back and request. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought to myself, “Don’t you realized I’m doing this on my own time to help you for free?” Maybe I was a bit naive in the beginning about giving away too much…or maybe I still am to some extent.
Good Point. I think more people should make it known their preferred way of being contacted. As for phone calls, I just let voicemail pick it up and call back when I can. The only thing that gets me is that people think because you have a cellphone you should be available 24/7/365.
I hear ya about sitting down with people. I think the way you screen people using Skype is extremely smart, and I really enjoyed talking to you on Skype because you’re fun and energetic I probably don’t get nearly as many requests to meet up with people as you do, so I tend to do them all. (And so far, it’s been a great experience – everyone I’ve met up with is pretty awesome!)
But if meet-ups for you are like emails for me, I understand what you mean. I try to help people, but sometimes you can’t help them until they help themselves. I also agree that if you’re going to start meeting up with someone, you want to hit it off with them, because lunch and coffee dates take up a lot of time (not to mention extra cash!)
I’m the same way about phones. I only use them when I have information that is tough to explain or inappropriate to share via email. Usually I use the phone to set up in-person meetings, because I prefer those so much more!
Your insight about cell phone use = flakiness is so true! I like people to call me when they say they will, if we’re planning to talk on the phone too.
I had no idea you launched a mentor sign-up tool! That’s awesome. You didn’t promote it here, so I will: Go to http://thecreativecareer.com/mentors/ to sign-up as a mentor if you are a professional in the workplace who wants to help students. Allie, do you have certain criteria for who can become a mentor, or is the mentor application open to anyone who works?
Thanks Monica – there are some specific fields in the dropdown – most of the students who sign up are looking for mentors who work in various creative communications/marketing roles. I am always looking for more mentors – I have a few students on a “waiting list” because so many signed up.
As an entrepreneur, it’s essential to set business hours. I’ve also narrowed my methods of contact down to only a few – it’s a must when every company wants to build it’s own messaging system.
I’m glad you like the post and agree with the points. I definitely reach that point of information overload, especially in the email inbox. Thanks for the comment!
I am very wary of IM’s, unless I know someone fairly well or the person has a clear goal that he/she states at the beginning of the conversation. Long conversations are generally better scheduled IMO. It sounds like the girl who emailed you might just have persistence, but really, if she needed the answers by a certain time she should have stated that in the email.
I think we all feel that way sometimes. Social media has its place, but you definitely have to turn it off sometimes! I find it extremely distracting, especially when I need to write something or complete a project. Thanks for the comment!
I think social media is just like any other topic of disagreement – you can disagree with your significant other, but as long as you can find a mutual respect for the other’s viewpoint, you can make the relationship work. My husband and I are nearly the three year mark of our marriage and have come a long way since we first started dating. It takes work, but relationships are worth it!
Monica O'Brien is the Director of Digital at Fizz and author of the book Social Pollination, which helps businesses leverage social media for crazy growth!
"There's no sugar coating in Monica's advice. She understands and outlines what works and doesn't, while she also leaves room to discuss the transient nature of social media."
Grace Boyle, Publisher Services Manager at Lijit
Monica O'Brien is the Director of Digital at Fizz and author of the book Social Pollination, which helps businesses leverage social media for crazy growth!
{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }
I used to be on IM all the time, so much so it was cutting into work time and distracting me. I agree the best way for first contact is an email, I even like an old fashioned phone call!
Great post!
I definitely see your point about e-mail, sometimes they just fall through the cracks. I endeavor to be super responsive to people I’m interested in connecting with, but sometimes too much comes at you at once and an e-mail get’ lost in the flood. Since I know this happens to me from time to time, I have no problem sending a “reminder” message to people who I have e-mailed who haven’t responded after a few days. I’d say 90% of the time I get a positive quick repsonse, like: “thanks, I’ve been swamp, will reply soon” or something like that. It also shows the perosn you’re e-mailing that you really do want to talk to them, which is encouraging and gives more incentive to reply even if they are extremely busy.
It can be a tricky balance between trying to be helpful vs. going above and beyond for free. I love to help people – that’s why I’m blogging – but it does amaze me sometimes how demanding some people can be when I’m doing all of this on my own time! I’m sure many can relate.
I like it when people offer the best way to contact them. Although it differs for people, you can tell if their contact information is very difficult to find it’s probably for a reason. If someone offers in more than one context that their e-mail or their contact form is how to reach them, it’s important to respect that. Patience is also another important aspect, I struggle with my non-tech friends who sometimes ask me what Twitter is, etc. Great list, Monica!
Great post, and I really wish people understood this more. Since I work for an internship-providing organization, I help a lot of college kids, which is awesome, but there’s nothing more annoying than getting a work-related question via facebook message! It is really strange sometimes how demanding people can be. And I really like being connected all the time — via blackberry, gchat, email, IM, twitter, skype, etc — but the fact that we have more ways for people to contact us means that people expect you to be super responsive immediately, all the time. I agree with Allie. It’s a tricky balance between wanting to help people and wanting some sanity.
I’ve been doing a lot of Skype video recently. You know because you and I had one last week :)
I think it’s almost as good as sitting down with the real person. I’m now moving to Skype video for a lot more things such as interviewing interns for my company, or when meeting a person for the first time.
I would always be quick to set up a coffee meeting with someone who randomly messaged me through my blog. I was excited to meet a reader or someone who could potentially help my company. As it turns out, a lot of people just don’t bring that much value to the table. Coffee usually means a 45 minute chat; if you include driving, you add on at least another 30 minutes. So you’re talking about 1.5 hours per coffee meeting.
Nowadays, I will first do a Skype video chat with you, and then if we really hit it off, I’ll set up a time to meet you in person.
Hopefully I don’t sound conceited in any way. My time is just really valuable. You know as well as anyone else that as a startup or freelancer, you need to really optimize your time or you might not be able to pay the rent next month.
Hi Monica!
I am so with you on the phone and IM thing, how people always expect you to be available on the phone. A major pet peeve of mine is when people call you for no reason except to fritter away time. I hate being on phones and I only call if I need to set up a time to meet (“I’ll meet you at XX at 5pm” or “I’m on my way, I’ll be there in 15 minutes” *click*). Often I will put my phone in my bag and forget I have it for days at a time. Because of that people complain to me that I’m really hard to get in contact with but I refuse to be a slave to the phone. Why should I? In my experience, people have used cell phones as an excuse to be flaky. If they know you don’t always answer they are less likely to flake out.
As a side note, I really like your blog! I hope you don’t stop writing anytime soon.
What a great post! You gave me a very good laugh, which I needed today.
I found myself getting overwhelmed by all of the ways I could be reached. I think I let myself be available too much and it started affecting my personal and family life. I now have it narrowed down to just a few ways: Facebook, Twitter, Email and Skype. I have these all nicely organized on my webtop (basically an online desktop) so I can access them easily. I also started telling people my business hours and letting them know that after 5, I couldn’t be reached. So far, people have respected that!
This was a great post and I wholly empathise. I reached melting point towards the end of last year. Overflowing inbox, people constantly wanting something for free and expecting me to do things on my time, and wondering when I was supposed to find the time to run my business. I then established boundaries with readers but also with company’s I work with and who approach me and life changed dramatically because I managed people’s expectations and made clear that my time is valuable and that if it’s not a two way street (this is especially with businesses looking for favours), I’m not interested. Short of being Inspector Gadget, I can only be and do so much and that’s the key thing – you can’t be all things to all people.
Those are some really good points. Especially about the “pay to play” part. When I used to have more time and be more into the webdesign world of the early 2000s I used to get tons of IMs and emails from people asking me for help. It’s like they expected me to not have a life of my own and respond to their every request immediately and for free. That’s tough. I like the note about people’s preferred communication. You’re right though, if people are not as into email as they are phone calls, you’ll have to wait quite a while to get a response. I also like your note there about people not asking for a reply. That’s one thing they teach us at work in our email workshops is to create actions for people so they know what to do with your message.
What you wrote is very true. The other day someone I met online offered to help me with something (I didn’t ask) and asked for my email, which I gave to her. Then she wrote me some questions. I didn’t respond for 3-4 days, and I got another email from her informing me that she never got a response and that she still wanted to help. I thought it was very strange that she had to remind me of something that I didn’t really ask for in the first place. and was being “pushy” about the timeline I was supposed to respond to her by! Maybe I had a life outside of twitter and emails?And I agree that with social media, you can filter how much you want to respond and when to respond (especially the when part). That is why I dislike IM’s so much.
Thanks for this post! I often feel overwhelmed with emails and do not answer as diligently. Sometimes, perhaps frequently, I feel guilty about this because it might seem rude, but I really don’t think it should be perceived that way. (Clients, of course, do get special treatment.)Often times I do forget to reply to emails and messages–I mark them on Gmail and they, as you say, fall through the cracks. And forget IM! What a time waster! Even Linkedin, FB, and Twitter–I check in about once a week, if that. I’d rather spend my time working and doing things I love away from the computer in my spare time. Thanks for bringing me some peace of mind about this!
Making a relationship mutually beneficial is pretty much the only way to make it last.
Great advice… as always.
Monica,What you write about having differences in communication methods between you and your husband — it gives me hope. I was recently dating a guy who is a sort of “social media phobe” — not only does he hate to participate in texting, email, facebooking, twittering, he groans and rolls his eyes at these methods of communication and only prefers the phone. While that relationship did not work out — and arguments we’ve had over social media unfortunately did play a role in the eventual demise — it’s nice to know for some people, this isn’t a huge obstacle.
Amy
I sincerely hope I don't run across another article of yours. If you are doing the pollinating we should all be looking out for killer bees. What a bitch.
I sincerely hope I don't run across another article of yours. If you are doing the pollinating we should all be looking out for killer bees. What a bitch.
Justin,
I am still always on IM but I tend to not respond if I’m too busy, or I’ll respond in short and quick blips only when I’m asked a question. I rarely, if ever, contact someone via IM, just because it can be so distracting when someone is working on something else.
I like phone calls, but I really like when they are scheduled for some reason. I think it’s silly for people to expect you to always pick up your phone – it’s kind of like the IM thing just in a different medium.
Just my thoughts though – I think if you really want to get a hold of someone, you should contact them the way they like to be contacted. Ie: if I wanted to contact you I’d just pick up the phone – even though it’s not my first choice, it’s yours!
Jaclyn,
I think a little persistence can pay off. I really feel bad when I tell someone I’ll help them and then I forget – all I think is “why didn’t he remind me?” People shouldn’t be too shy about those things.
Allie,
Yes, definitely. I still don’t always know where to draw the line, personally. The problem is the more you give away for free, the less people value your service.
Grace,
That’s a good point. Literary agents are a great example: they give very specific instructions for how they want to be contacted, and each one has different preferences. But the surest way to get rejected is to contact them a different way than they’ve prescribed – they throw your query straight out!
Nisha,
I think for many people, especially people who aren’t blogging and putting themselves out there, the email is pretty manageable. I remember before my blog when I didn’t really get that much email – now it’s like a three-ring circus in my inbox. Facebook contact for business seriously annoys me – I was on Facebook when it first started and will never get past how Facebook is for inside jokes on the wall, sharing stupid stuff, and looking at pictures of your friends on Sunday afternoon when everyone posts pictures from the weekend.
I really can’t understand why people use FB messaging for serious communication, but whatever. To each his own, I just tend not to respond to those when I get them!
So true – I found this out when I launched a free tool to connect creative students to mentors. As rewarding as it is, I am sometimes amazed by what people will come back and request. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought to myself, “Don’t you realized I’m doing this on my own time to help you for free?” Maybe I was a bit naive in the beginning about giving away too much…or maybe I still am to some extent.
Good Point. I think more people should make it known their preferred way of being contacted. As for phone calls, I just let voicemail pick it up and call back when I can. The only thing that gets me is that people think because you have a cellphone you should be available 24/7/365.
Jun,
I hear ya about sitting down with people. I think the way you screen people using Skype is extremely smart, and I really enjoyed talking to you on Skype because you’re fun and energetic
I probably don’t get nearly as many requests to meet up with people as you do, so I tend to do them all. (And so far, it’s been a great experience – everyone I’ve met up with is pretty awesome!)
But if meet-ups for you are like emails for me, I understand what you mean. I try to help people, but sometimes you can’t help them until they help themselves. I also agree that if you’re going to start meeting up with someone, you want to hit it off with them, because lunch and coffee dates take up a lot of time (not to mention extra cash!)
Valerie,
I’m the same way about phones. I only use them when I have information that is tough to explain or inappropriate to share via email. Usually I use the phone to set up in-person meetings, because I prefer those so much more!
Your insight about cell phone use = flakiness is so true! I like people to call me when they say they will, if we’re planning to talk on the phone too.
Thanks for the blog compliment!
Allie,
I had no idea you launched a mentor sign-up tool! That’s awesome. You didn’t promote it here, so I will: Go to http://thecreativecareer.com/mentors/ to sign-up as a mentor if you are a professional in the workplace who wants to help students. Allie, do you have certain criteria for who can become a mentor, or is the mentor application open to anyone who works?
Thanks Monica – there are some specific fields in the dropdown – most of the students who sign up are looking for mentors who work in various creative communications/marketing roles. I am always looking for more mentors – I have a few students on a “waiting list” because so many signed up.
Go Everywhere,
As an entrepreneur, it’s essential to set business hours. I’ve also narrowed my methods of contact down to only a few – it’s a must when every company wants to build it’s own messaging system.
Thanks for the comment!
Natalie,
That’s a great approach, especially for entrepreneurs. Boundaries are important and good for self-employed professionals.
Julie,
I’m glad you like the post and agree with the points. I definitely reach that point of information overload, especially in the email inbox. Thanks for the comment!
Pylin,
I am very wary of IM’s, unless I know someone fairly well or the person has a clear goal that he/she states at the beginning of the conversation. Long conversations are generally better scheduled IMO. It sounds like the girl who emailed you might just have persistence, but really, if she needed the answers by a certain time she should have stated that in the email.
Natalia,
I think we all feel that way sometimes. Social media has its place, but you definitely have to turn it off sometimes! I find it extremely distracting, especially when I need to write something or complete a project. Thanks for the comment!
Marc and Angel,
Good point! It’s funny how few people seem to remember that sometimes…
Amy,
I think social media is just like any other topic of disagreement – you can disagree with your significant other, but as long as you can find a mutual respect for the other’s viewpoint, you can make the relationship work. My husband and I are nearly the three year mark of our marriage and have come a long way since we first started dating. It takes work, but relationships are worth it!
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