Small Biz. Big Buzz. by Monica O'Brien
Monica O'Brien is the author of the book Social Pollination: Escape the Hype of Social Media and Join the Companies Winning At It. The book is a step-by-step guide for small and mid-sized businesses that want to find more customers effectively. Get the book:
From the category archives:
My friends and I are launching a new venture today called Untemplater and we are so excited to share it with you! The site is for Gen Y’ers who want to “untemplate” their lives and take advantages of the many opportunities available to our generation. We truly have an all-star team here…
I was one of the millions of women who stood in line at the movie theater on open weekend of the Sex and the City movie, and it was worth every minute because the movie was fantastic. This would not be possible without the sex, the city, the witty one-liners, or the fashion, but I’d argue these elements were just topping on the sundae. What really made the movie was the maturity of it, and I’m not talking about getting up close and personal with neighbor-boy Dante.
Did you notice where most of the tension in the movie came from? It was not catty arguments between the four main women. It was not the typical drama with men that we remember all too well from the TV series. Instead, it was each woman struggling with her own internal battle, and eventually overcoming it.
As the credits rolled, the takeaway was we are each responsible for our own happiness. Had Carrie allowed contact with Big, they would have reconciled much sooner. Had Miranda allowed marriage counseling, she would have been able to forgive Steve sooner. Had Samantha trusted her instincts, she would have left LA and Smith sooner (and avoided gaining 15 pounds). Had Charlotte gotten past her pregnancy fears, she would have started jogging sooner.
It was refreshing to see this group of characters we have followed and loved for the past ten years grow up and allow themselves to be happy. In the end, I really think that’s all it takes.
So today, right now, let yourself be comfortable in your own skin. Let yourself love what you have, rather than long for what you want. Let yourself release all the people and situations and things that are bogging you down.
“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.” ~ Carrie Bradshaw
I wrote something about relationships last week that I was going to post today, but after all the news of school shootings, a playful post just didn’t seem right.
The school shootings have hit a little too close to home - 65 minutes away at Northern Illinois University where my brother attends school as a freshman. I was pretty shaken up yesterday and wanted to write about it; that’s how most of these posts are created anyway.
I considered writing about desensitization to violence, but soon realized I don’t know enough about that subject to speak intelligently. Then I thought about the topic of conquering “what if” thinking, but couldn’t say what I wanted in that context. I even considered writing about how you have to let adults make their own decisions when my brother told me he didn’t want to leave his violence-ridden school. Nothing quite fit though.
Instead, I decided to just write. You can read it here, or not. I don’t care. I wrote it for myself, and sometimes that’s the best therapy.
Energy is an interesting concept. It make us move, do, and accomplish. The problem is there are different kinds of energy, and the type of energy you get will dictate the type of work you get done with it.
Consider this: Someone writes an opinionated post. It gets 60 comments, but over half the people hated it. Was the post successful?
The post may have moved people to do (in this case add a comment) but in the end, No, the post was not successful (unless your idea of success is pissing people off). Not because people didn’t like the post – if they didn’t like it they wouldn’t respond. People hated what was written because the post gives off negative energy.
You could argue the audience is negative, but how do you attract a negative audience? By being negative. And that’s the crux of energy: negative energy breeds more negative energy, while positive breeds more positive.
Here are some simple ways to test whether you are giving off negative energy:
Are you sharing an opinion or attacking someone not like you?
I see this the most when I tell people I’m married, and lately when I tell people I’m getting an MBA in entrepreneurship.
But let’s stick to marriage: It’s fine if you want to be single and think getting married when you are young is a bad idea. What I don’t understand is why I can link to so many articles like these.
Have your opinion, but let people make their own choices – what’s right for you isn’t right for them and vice-versa.
Do you focus on the things you hate?
I’m a firm believer that we move towards the things we think about. There’s a girl I know whose entire MySpace page is dominated by her pet peeves – she has about 30 of them. Thirty negative thoughts! I wonder how much time she spent creating that list - how much energy she wasted thinking of all the things that piss her off.
Focus on things you like. Focus on what you like about people. Leave the ranting and raving in a notebook on your nightstand, and make sure the notebook burns nicely.
Do you exclude others?
Extreme example: One of my friends got engaged in college (after me), and the next day a group of our friends threw a “Not Engaged” party. Invitation reads: “We’re having a party for all of those people who aren’t engaged. Everyone is welcome… unless you’re engaged.”
Surprisingly, they weren’t trying to be mean; rather just trying to establish a bond with other people like them. That’s a completely normal need, but be careful how you do it – it should never be at the expense of someone else.
Nobody is perfect and we all have bad days. Furthermore, growing and maturing is a slow process and most of us will never get to the point where we don’t give off negative energy in some way. Wouldn’t it be nice though, if we all made an effort to give off positive energy instead?
What other ways do people give off negative energy?
I’m the type of person who enjoys a heated debate. As a blogger, debating is a great skill to have, but it also irritates people when they don’t share my views. After being called a devil’s advocate, instigator, and dissenter by some of my closest friends and family (and worse by those who aren’t), I decided to tone down my debating nature and accept the fact that not everyone wants to explain or defend their thoughts in everyday conversation.So I stopped what people called “arguing” with them, and my popularity went up. At least in person. I still wrote about my ideas on my personal blog (before Web 2.0) and annoyed a lot of my friends, especially during election season. But for whatever reason, those same friends read my blog every day, and once in awhile someone would be brave enough to write a comment about how much I irritated them by forcing them to think.
With that said, let me force you to think a little. If you are a person who shies away from debates that challenge your point of view, it’s because you don’t have an opinion. Let me explain why…
The Process of Forming Opinions
When we form opinions, we take lots of information about a topic and decide on a “right” answer in our eyes. We know there isn’t a real right answer but we find one that works for us. It’s unbelievable how much information we use to reach our conclusions: past experiences, morals, ideas passed to us by people we trust, what we read, what we hear. Then, we assimilate all that information and form an opinion.
But opinions don’t stop there. They can’t, because we are constantly finding new information, new research, new books, new experiences, and new ideas from others about topics we have already formed opinions on. If we don’t reevaluate our opinions every time we receive new information, they stop being opinions and start becoming beliefs.
Opinions vs. Beliefs
Let’s look at the American Heritage Dictionary definitions of an opinion and a belief:
belief -
- The mental act, condition, or habit of placing trust or confidence in another: My belief in you is as strong as ever.
- Mental acceptance of and conviction in the truth, actuality, or validity of something: His explanation of what happened defies belief.
- Something believed or accepted as true, especially a particular tenet or a body of tenets accepted by a group of persons.
opinion -
- A belief or conclusion held with confidence but not substantiated by positive knowledge or proof: “The world is not run by thought, nor by imagination, but by opinion” (Elizabeth Drew).
- A judgment based on special knowledge and given by an expert: a medical opinion.
- A judgment or estimation of the merit of a person or thing: has a low opinion of braggarts.
Do you see the difference? We use these two words interchangeably, but their definitions are full of nuance when compared.
A belief is acceptance of truth, while an opinion is judgement of truth.
If you do not allow your opinions to be challenged, you are choosing to believe you are right rather than judge the new information and come to another conclusion. That conclusion could be your opinion hasn’t changed the slightest because the new information either supports your opinion or is not persuasive enough to create a strong argument against your opinion, and that’s fine.
You could also find the new information is so convincing it completely blows your old opinion out of the water. When this happens, you’ve experienced personal growth and reached a new understanding of who you are and how you think. That’s what personal development is all about – finding out how little you know, finding out how wrong you are, and learning new thought processes. In order to get to that next level, you must be willing to debate and challenge your opinions over and over again.
To summarize, you must challenge your opinions or they become beliefs. Opinions are ongoing judgements of new information, while beliefs are acceptance of old information with disregard to new information. A key element to growing as a person is forming opinions, then challenging them.
So ask yourself these questions: Do you have opinions or beliefs? Are they affecting your ability to grow and develop into a better person? Then, join the debate by adding your thoughts in the comments section below.
Citations:
belief. (n.d.). The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Retrieved January 04, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/belief
opinion. (n.d.). The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Retrieved January 04, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/opinion
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Monica O'Brien is the Director of Digital at Fizz and author of the book Social Pollination, which helps businesses leverage social media for crazy growth!
"There's no sugar coating in Monica's advice. She understands and outlines what works and doesn't, while she also leaves room to discuss the transient nature of social media."
Grace Boyle, Publisher Services Manager at Lijit
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