Great post. It is very much true that seeing your younger self in someone can really make you want to help them. I've been very aware of that in myself and I always feel a little silly about it, but I'm definitely actively interested in helping people who remind me of who/where I once was.
I disagree with #6. One of the closest connections I've made in the last year or so is someone who's become a very good friend, but is also someone I go to for advice, and vice versa. I frequently serve as a second set of eyes on her stories and blog posts, and she has helped me think through developing a new blog concept.
I still consider her a good friend and not a mentor.
Monica, great post, as usual. I think the biggest message that you give here that you don't necessarily emphasize, is that being successful in business is all about triage, that is, prioritizing where you should be online and when to get the most value out of your time, whether with a mentor, or otherwise. My other favorite advice about mentors comes from Ramit Sethi who says you should offer to meet with them and pay for their coffee, which might fall under bring something to the table.
I think it's because we know how to help. So often people ask me questions that would better be answered by Google than myself. So when someone who seems like me three years ago needs help, it's a lot easier, and even fun to share what I've learned.
I don't think the two are mutually exclusive, but I hate when someone asks me for advice and then all of sudden thinks we're best friends just because of that. I think friendship grows out of mentoring, but it's not an overnight process.
Ramit Sethi is probably one of my favorite online people, ever. I read that article about the best $20 spent too.
I do think you're right that prioritizing is important. There are lots of people I admire and would like to meet, but you always need something to talk about with those people. I try to wait to reach out until I have a good reason.
Great post, for sure. I'd also like to add that you don't even necessarily have to speak directly with someone for them to mentor you and have a strong, positive influence on your life.
I think following somebody's career, being familiar with their work, reading their books or blog posts and generally aligning yourself with their values and work ethic are ways to be mentored by somebody without ever having to speak with them directly.
That's a great point. One of my favorite mentors on leadership is Lou Gerstner (Who Says Elephants Can't Dance?) I have definitely learned a lot from him, despite never meeting him.
I really like this list. Athough I don't think I'm getting the amount of requests you are to meet up, chat, mentor, etc. I have been getting my fair share of local inquiries to discuss business, startups and blogging tips.
I moved to Boulder about a year ago, knowing no one, just to do it. So my rule was that I wouldn't say “no” to anyone. I'm kind of like that in life, because I like to help people in general but in this case, it was useful to network and grow my 'community.' Now that I have been here a year and had A LOT of coffee / happy hour meetups, I have begun to be slightly more selective.
At Lijit, we work with bloggers and have an awesome, customized search tool so a lot of local bloggers want to install us and I naturally help out whenever, wherever. It's easy and part of work that I love. However, I started to volunteer, teach workshops and it turned into me giving back without getting anything in return. Like you said, it's not being snobby but we all have lives and other people in our lives that are important and require time. Needless to say, I like what you have written and although I naturally make time to meet with a lot of local people who are interesting and relevant, I have begun to be more selective and your list is helpful along the way!
Loved your post. I run a mentoring program at Syracuse University and your advice is spot-on to what I tell students and alumni. I'm going to be in Chicago next Thursday and would love to interview you for a blog post to go on our career office's new website. Let me know if we might work something out. I could also do this remotely. Thanks so much! Kelly Lux
I find that meeting people in groups is working best for me at this stage. So when people want to meet me, now I can say “I'll be at this event so I hope to see you there.” It's an easier way to break the ice and there's an easy out for either party if we don't have much to say to each other.
And if we do connect, then we can have a one-on-one meeting. It is a bit of a screening process, but it's for each person's benefit at the end of the day, and saves everyone so much time.
I too used to volunteer my time and tech-savvy to the community, but like you said, sometimes you just don't get anything back. I still volunteer, but I'm more selective in what I volunteer for to make sure I'm doing it out of enjoyment rather than obligation.
I sent you a Twitter message, but in case you didn't get it, I'd be happy to meet with you next week. You can reach me at monica@monicaobrien.com when you figure out what time works best with your schedule for a meeting. Thanks for reaching out!
I am out of the office and will return on Monday, August 3. If you have an immediate need, please call the main number of Career Services at 315-443-3616 for assistance. Thank you and have a great day!
Monica, to your point #6, it's said that people judge you by the company you keep. Personal brand association is an oft-overlooked facet of networking. I find striking differences between people who network indiscriminately (FB requests from people I haven't met, chatty people at events) and those with whom you build a mutually beneficial relationship (and even friendship) over time that results in meaningful exchange of value and ideas that propel both forward.
Last night at TechCocktail, it was good to see more of the latter than the former, though some of the former did come out and make attempts.
P. S. I like the embedded Disqus signup form. Wow, that was easy! Checking out Disqus has been on my to-do list for a bit, and I was able to register just like that while posting the comment. Talk about a great way to market an online service!
I love this comment. And I love TechCocktail because it's a true networking event with people who are actually doing things – making products and starting companies with tangible goods and services. There are lots of opportunities for collaboration and lots of innovative things happening in Chicago.
What I love about Disqus is you can import your commenting from all over the web into FriendFeed. So people can see what articles you've been tracking. It's beneficial for you as a commenter and beneficial for other people looking for filtered content, and beneficial for the writer because they might get more traffic. Win-win all around.
Monica, to your point #6, it's said that people judge you by the company you keep. Personal brand association is an oft-overlooked facet of networking. I find striking differences between people who network indiscriminately (FB requests from people I haven't met, chatty people at events) and those with whom you build a mutually beneficial relationship (and even friendship) over time that results in meaningful exchange of value and ideas that propel both forward.
Last night at TechCocktail, it was good to see more of the latter than the former, though some of the former did come out and make attempts.
P. S. I like the embedded Disqus signup form. Wow, that was easy! Checking out Disqus has been on my to-do list for a bit, and I was able to register just like that while posting the comment. Talk about a great way to market an online service!
I love this comment. And I love TechCocktail because it's a true networking event with people who are actually doing things – making products and starting companies with tangible goods and services. There are lots of opportunities for collaboration and lots of innovative things happening in Chicago.
What I love about Disqus is you can import your commenting from all over the web into FriendFeed. So people can see what articles you've been tracking. It's beneficial for you as a commenter and beneficial for other people looking for filtered content, and beneficial for the writer because they might get more traffic. Win-win all around.
Monica O'Brien is the Director of Digital at Fizz and author of the book Social Pollination, which helps businesses leverage social media for crazy growth!
"There's no sugar coating in Monica's advice. She understands and outlines what works and doesn't, while she also leaves room to discuss the transient nature of social media."
Grace Boyle, Publisher Services Manager at Lijit
Monica O'Brien is the Director of Digital at Fizz and author of the book Social Pollination, which helps businesses leverage social media for crazy growth!
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post. It is very much true that seeing your younger self in someone can really make you want to help them. I've been very aware of that in myself and I always feel a little silly about it, but I'm definitely actively interested in helping people who remind me of who/where I once was.
I disagree with #6. One of the closest connections I've made in the last year or so is someone who's become a very good friend, but is also someone I go to for advice, and vice versa. I frequently serve as a second set of eyes on her stories and blog posts, and she has helped me think through developing a new blog concept.
I still consider her a good friend and not a mentor.
Monica, great post, as usual. I think the biggest message that you give here that you don't necessarily emphasize, is that being successful in business is all about triage, that is, prioritizing where you should be online and when to get the most value out of your time, whether with a mentor, or otherwise. My other favorite advice about mentors comes from Ramit Sethi who says you should offer to meet with them and pay for their coffee, which might fall under bring something to the table.
I think it's because we know how to help. So often people ask me questions that would better be answered by Google than myself. So when someone who seems like me three years ago needs help, it's a lot easier, and even fun to share what I've learned.
Did you mean #5?
I don't think the two are mutually exclusive, but I hate when someone asks me for advice and then all of sudden thinks we're best friends just because of that. I think friendship grows out of mentoring, but it's not an overnight process.
Ramit Sethi is probably one of my favorite online people, ever. I read that article about the best $20 spent too.
I do think you're right that prioritizing is important. There are lots of people I admire and would like to meet, but you always need something to talk about with those people. I try to wait to reach out until I have a good reason.
Great post, for sure. I'd also like to add that you don't even necessarily have to speak directly with someone for them to mentor you and have a strong, positive influence on your life.
I think following somebody's career, being familiar with their work, reading their books or blog posts and generally aligning yourself with their values and work ethic are ways to be mentored by somebody without ever having to speak with them directly.
That's a great point. One of my favorite mentors on leadership is Lou Gerstner (Who Says Elephants Can't Dance?) I have definitely learned a lot from him, despite never meeting him.
Thanks for the comment!
I really like this list. Athough I don't think I'm getting the amount of requests you are to meet up, chat, mentor, etc. I have been getting my fair share of local inquiries to discuss business, startups and blogging tips.
I moved to Boulder about a year ago, knowing no one, just to do it. So my rule was that I wouldn't say “no” to anyone. I'm kind of like that in life, because I like to help people in general but in this case, it was useful to network and grow my 'community.' Now that I have been here a year and had A LOT of coffee / happy hour meetups, I have begun to be slightly more selective.
At Lijit, we work with bloggers and have an awesome, customized search tool so a lot of local bloggers want to install us and I naturally help out whenever, wherever. It's easy and part of work that I love. However, I started to volunteer, teach workshops and it turned into me giving back without getting anything in return. Like you said, it's not being snobby but we all have lives and other people in our lives that are important and require time. Needless to say, I like what you have written and although I naturally make time to meet with a lot of local people who are interesting and relevant, I have begun to be more selective and your list is helpful along the way!
Hi Monica,
Loved your post. I run a mentoring program at Syracuse University and your advice is spot-on to what I tell students and alumni. I'm going to be in Chicago next Thursday and would love to interview you for a blog post to go on our career office's new website. Let me know if we might work something out. I could also do this remotely. Thanks so much! Kelly Lux
I find that meeting people in groups is working best for me at this stage. So when people want to meet me, now I can say “I'll be at this event so I hope to see you there.” It's an easier way to break the ice and there's an easy out for either party if we don't have much to say to each other.
And if we do connect, then we can have a one-on-one meeting. It is a bit of a screening process, but it's for each person's benefit at the end of the day, and saves everyone so much time.
I too used to volunteer my time and tech-savvy to the community, but like you said, sometimes you just don't get anything back. I still volunteer, but I'm more selective in what I volunteer for to make sure I'm doing it out of enjoyment rather than obligation.
Thank you for the comment!
Kelly,
I sent you a Twitter message, but in case you didn't get it, I'd be happy to meet with you next week. You can reach me at monica@monicaobrien.com when you figure out what time works best with your schedule for a meeting. Thanks for reaching out!
I am out of the office and will return on Monday, August 3. If you have an immediate need, please call the main number of Career Services at 315-443-3616 for assistance. Thank you and have a great day!
Monica, to your point #6, it's said that people judge you by the company you keep. Personal brand association is an oft-overlooked facet of networking. I find striking differences between people who network indiscriminately (FB requests from people I haven't met, chatty people at events) and those with whom you build a mutually beneficial relationship (and even friendship) over time that results in meaningful exchange of value and ideas that propel both forward.
Last night at TechCocktail, it was good to see more of the latter than the former, though some of the former did come out and make attempts.
P. S. I like the embedded Disqus signup form. Wow, that was easy! Checking out Disqus has been on my to-do list for a bit, and I was able to register just like that while posting the comment. Talk about a great way to market an online service!
I love this comment. And I love TechCocktail because it's a true networking event with people who are actually doing things – making products and starting companies with tangible goods and services. There are lots of opportunities for collaboration and lots of innovative things happening in Chicago.
What I love about Disqus is you can import your commenting from all over the web into FriendFeed. So people can see what articles you've been tracking. It's beneficial for you as a commenter and beneficial for other people looking for filtered content, and beneficial for the writer because they might get more traffic. Win-win all around.
Monica, to your point #6, it's said that people judge you by the company you keep. Personal brand association is an oft-overlooked facet of networking. I find striking differences between people who network indiscriminately (FB requests from people I haven't met, chatty people at events) and those with whom you build a mutually beneficial relationship (and even friendship) over time that results in meaningful exchange of value and ideas that propel both forward.
Last night at TechCocktail, it was good to see more of the latter than the former, though some of the former did come out and make attempts.
P. S. I like the embedded Disqus signup form. Wow, that was easy! Checking out Disqus has been on my to-do list for a bit, and I was able to register just like that while posting the comment. Talk about a great way to market an online service!
I love this comment. And I love TechCocktail because it's a true networking event with people who are actually doing things – making products and starting companies with tangible goods and services. There are lots of opportunities for collaboration and lots of innovative things happening in Chicago.
What I love about Disqus is you can import your commenting from all over the web into FriendFeed. So people can see what articles you've been tracking. It's beneficial for you as a commenter and beneficial for other people looking for filtered content, and beneficial for the writer because they might get more traffic. Win-win all around.
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