Monica,
I usually really like your writing. You’re on my Google Reader, and I often read through your posts.
But this post read more like a research paper than a blog. There’s different stylistic standards for blogs, in my opinion. You wrote on a good topic and had plenty of good quotes. But I felt like I was a professor for a Leadership class.
Regardless, you had good points, especially regarding the difference between a woman showing emotion and a man showing emotion.
The reason why I loved Hilary (and probably why others hated her) was because she was clear about putting her job as president FIRST. The whole idea of a female president being a good mom and wife (while never expected of male presidents) is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard. Do we really think that after meeting with foreign leaders, discussing pressing issues, and doing boring things like strengthening our economy, she’ll run home and make some chicken?
And why should she? The presence of women does not mean that things have changed if the expectations of leadership are still so unrealistic.
“what kind of woman leader does America want? The answer is Michelle Obama.”
This is so true, whether one is running for the presidency or the PTA. I think deep down we all still expect women to do everything: be a great mom, a loving partner, a savvy businesswoman. Basically beauty, brains, and brawn.
This is an excellent post, and I’m so stealing your leadership tip sheet. I think they are all things that leaders need to remember and live by. Whether we want to or not, we are judged just as much on how we look as we are on what we think!
I do have some beef about your suggestion that a woman needs to partner with a man. Hillary is an example of how this can backfire…of course she can thank Bill for bringing her to the spotlight, but in the end I think he was a millstone around her neck. Furthermore, if your suggestion is correct, what happens to all the single female leaders, OR lesbians who are smart, savvy and leadership-worthy but are lacking in the male partner department? That leaves me out in the cold…..
But I guess, Americans are used to seeing male/female packages which is why gay people tend to find an opposite sex “partner” to make them look good in public…
I did not in any way mean to imply you need to be a contemporary, professional wife to be a good politician. As an individual ,Michelle Obama pops because she’s super articulate and has great presence and compassion.
I think the Obama’s relationship to eachother is attractive to other people; you can’t buy that chemistry in a bottle. Their attraction to eachother is attractive to other people.
Frankly, a charismatic singlewoman should be able to succeed on her own. Though some of the surveying by Pew doesn’t seem to bear that notion out.
Interesting points Monica. I’m not sure that Hillary was over-confident – she was certainly confident which resonated with me more than Palin’s arrogance (confidence without any centre or foundation), but I think her mistake was to assume she was the favourite.
This goes to your point of ‘Always operate as the underdog’, although I’m not sure that’s entirely true. Sure, people love the underdog as there’s somethign really engaging about someone battling against the odds, but I think this is more about remembering to be humble and not taking things for granted. With humility and gratitude you’re instantly more likable, and whatever you’re working to achieve will be flavoured accordingly.
The real key to leadership is an authentic confidence. The kind of confidence that allows you that humility and gratitude as well as grace and honesty. I certainly know that the leaders I look up to and respect are the ones who allow themselves to go into the unknown even if it means being vulnerable.
Anna, I will probably write a follow up post at some point to talk more about women and leadership, that isn’t so book-reporty. Thanks for being a loyal reader of this blog!
Allison, I agree – I just don’t think America is ready for a woman leader who will put her job as a leader before her family. Not yet anyway. That’s why I believe people like Michelle Obama so much – because she puts her family first, because she can still. If Michelle had been running for President, I doubt she’d have been any more popular than Hillary Clinton.
Monica, you bring up great points. I don’t think it’s right that women still need to partner with men, but I do think it’s true. I try to picture Hillary Clinton running with another female as VP… it would just never have happened. So I guess my point is that the US is still not ready for all-female leadership, at least not in politics.
Zak, I do think certain women can succeed as leaders on their own… just maybe not at the presidency. Not yet anyway, but I’m hopeful for the future.
Steve, you’re right. It’s not about being the underdog, it’s more about not getting overly confident.
Monica: I’m writing this as a developmental consultant with expertise in performance improvement, language technologies, org behavior, etc. I’m also the father of three highly successful professional women, each holding grad degrees. And as a coach, I’ve coached about 50 exec women in one-on-one year long sessions over the past 25 years. Fascinatingly, I donated time to mentor 5 Millennial women professionals for the past two years.
My conclusions are that it’s not going to be easy to find your leadership style–and that furthermore, executive women all have some similar and shared characteristics. They are results oriented, tough (and I mean tough and demanding), no-nonsense, they make sure they have the support and feedback of a few significant male colleagues or bosses, maintain a strategic orientation to business, and don’t get caught up in detail, and on-occasion, get very pushy. They don’t think of themselves as executive women, instead they see themselves as executives who just happen to be women. They are very careful not to be too feminine looking or acting, but dress neatly, attractively, and sometimes elegantly. You have to be pretty aware to recognize that that suit she’s wearing, that seems rather simple, shows tailoring that cost $1500 or more. Or course, since my daughters educated me I can quickly tell from shoes and purse–or a belt if they happen to be wearing one.
They all have intelligence networks internally and externally to their organization, and it’s rare for them to put up with a lot of s–t. They refuse to exercise female processes to get their way, and they take up plenty of the table space just like the male execs. They also speak up–and most males expect it or get used to it. And if you’re in a company where the males refuse to accept it, if I were young, I’d get out and let someone else educate resistant males–that’s not a rewarding task.
Now, putting that into your own language is the difficult part. But I’d get someone to listen to how I talk, ask questions, make demands, and verbalize business matters. You certainly don’t need to mimic male macho. But there’s a reason that a lot of African American women do well in business–they’re used to taking charge, creating expectations and giving orders.
I’m sure that all this sounds a bit different in each woman, but the characteristics of successful business women remain much the same. Oh yeah, they usually have to perform better than their male peers! And I recognize that stinks, but that’s reality–and plenty of them can do it.
There are a few white papers on my site that speak to career strategy and getting useful feedback…and more will come.
Monica O'Brien is the Director of Digital at Fizz and author of the book Social Pollination, which helps businesses leverage social media for crazy growth!
"There's no sugar coating in Monica's advice. She understands and outlines what works and doesn't, while she also leaves room to discuss the transient nature of social media."
Grace Boyle, Publisher Services Manager at Lijit
Monica O'Brien is the Director of Digital at Fizz and author of the book Social Pollination, which helps businesses leverage social media for crazy growth!
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Monica,
I usually really like your writing. You’re on my Google Reader, and I often read through your posts.
But this post read more like a research paper than a blog. There’s different stylistic standards for blogs, in my opinion. You wrote on a good topic and had plenty of good quotes. But I felt like I was a professor for a Leadership class.
Regardless, you had good points, especially regarding the difference between a woman showing emotion and a man showing emotion.
The reason why I loved Hilary (and probably why others hated her) was because she was clear about putting her job as president FIRST. The whole idea of a female president being a good mom and wife (while never expected of male presidents) is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard. Do we really think that after meeting with foreign leaders, discussing pressing issues, and doing boring things like strengthening our economy, she’ll run home and make some chicken?
And why should she? The presence of women does not mean that things have changed if the expectations of leadership are still so unrealistic.
“what kind of woman leader does America want? The answer is Michelle Obama.”
This is so true, whether one is running for the presidency or the PTA. I think deep down we all still expect women to do everything: be a great mom, a loving partner, a savvy businesswoman. Basically beauty, brains, and brawn.
This is an excellent post, and I’m so stealing your leadership tip sheet. I think they are all things that leaders need to remember and live by. Whether we want to or not, we are judged just as much on how we look as we are on what we think!
I do have some beef about your suggestion that a woman needs to partner with a man. Hillary is an example of how this can backfire…of course she can thank Bill for bringing her to the spotlight, but in the end I think he was a millstone around her neck. Furthermore, if your suggestion is correct, what happens to all the single female leaders, OR lesbians who are smart, savvy and leadership-worthy but are lacking in the male partner department? That leaves me out in the cold…..
But I guess, Americans are used to seeing male/female packages which is why gay people tend to find an opposite sex “partner” to make them look good in public…
Sorry, I started thinking….and I got longwinded
I did not in any way mean to imply you need to be a contemporary, professional wife to be a good politician. As an individual ,Michelle Obama pops because she’s super articulate and has great presence and compassion.
I think the Obama’s relationship to eachother is attractive to other people; you can’t buy that chemistry in a bottle. Their attraction to eachother is attractive to other people.
Frankly, a charismatic singlewoman should be able to succeed on her own. Though some of the surveying by Pew doesn’t seem to bear that notion out.
Interesting points Monica. I’m not sure that Hillary was over-confident – she was certainly confident which resonated with me more than Palin’s arrogance (confidence without any centre or foundation), but I think her mistake was to assume she was the favourite.
This goes to your point of ‘Always operate as the underdog’, although I’m not sure that’s entirely true. Sure, people love the underdog as there’s somethign really engaging about someone battling against the odds, but I think this is more about remembering to be humble and not taking things for granted. With humility and gratitude you’re instantly more likable, and whatever you’re working to achieve will be flavoured accordingly.
The real key to leadership is an authentic confidence. The kind of confidence that allows you that humility and gratitude as well as grace and honesty. I certainly know that the leaders I look up to and respect are the ones who allow themselves to go into the unknown even if it means being vulnerable.
Anna, I will probably write a follow up post at some point to talk more about women and leadership, that isn’t so book-reporty. Thanks for being a loyal reader of this blog!
Allison, I agree – I just don’t think America is ready for a woman leader who will put her job as a leader before her family. Not yet anyway. That’s why I believe people like Michelle Obama so much – because she puts her family first, because she can still. If Michelle had been running for President, I doubt she’d have been any more popular than Hillary Clinton.
Monica, you bring up great points. I don’t think it’s right that women still need to partner with men, but I do think it’s true. I try to picture Hillary Clinton running with another female as VP… it would just never have happened. So I guess my point is that the US is still not ready for all-female leadership, at least not in politics.
Zak, I do think certain women can succeed as leaders on their own… just maybe not at the presidency. Not yet anyway, but I’m hopeful for the future.
Steve, you’re right. It’s not about being the underdog, it’s more about not getting overly confident.
Thanks for the comments!
Monica: I’m writing this as a developmental consultant with expertise in performance improvement, language technologies, org behavior, etc. I’m also the father of three highly successful professional women, each holding grad degrees. And as a coach, I’ve coached about 50 exec women in one-on-one year long sessions over the past 25 years. Fascinatingly, I donated time to mentor 5 Millennial women professionals for the past two years.
My conclusions are that it’s not going to be easy to find your leadership style–and that furthermore, executive women all have some similar and shared characteristics. They are results oriented, tough (and I mean tough and demanding), no-nonsense, they make sure they have the support and feedback of a few significant male colleagues or bosses, maintain a strategic orientation to business, and don’t get caught up in detail, and on-occasion, get very pushy. They don’t think of themselves as executive women, instead they see themselves as executives who just happen to be women. They are very careful not to be too feminine looking or acting, but dress neatly, attractively, and sometimes elegantly. You have to be pretty aware to recognize that that suit she’s wearing, that seems rather simple, shows tailoring that cost $1500 or more. Or course, since my daughters educated me I can quickly tell from shoes and purse–or a belt if they happen to be wearing one.
They all have intelligence networks internally and externally to their organization, and it’s rare for them to put up with a lot of s–t. They refuse to exercise female processes to get their way, and they take up plenty of the table space just like the male execs. They also speak up–and most males expect it or get used to it. And if you’re in a company where the males refuse to accept it, if I were young, I’d get out and let someone else educate resistant males–that’s not a rewarding task.
Now, putting that into your own language is the difficult part. But I’d get someone to listen to how I talk, ask questions, make demands, and verbalize business matters. You certainly don’t need to mimic male macho. But there’s a reason that a lot of African American women do well in business–they’re used to taking charge, creating expectations and giving orders.
I’m sure that all this sounds a bit different in each woman, but the characteristics of successful business women remain much the same. Oh yeah, they usually have to perform better than their male peers! And I recognize that stinks, but that’s reality–and plenty of them can do it.
There are a few white papers on my site that speak to career strategy and getting useful feedback…and more will come.
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