I agree that a lot of young women go through a “phase” like you described above – let’s face it, men make it so easy for us to get away with it! That said, in my opinion, while one thing at a bar, this kind of behavior is totally unacceptable in the business setting. I feel a lot better about getting ahead with great ideas and business savvy than my pretty face… I think your readers will, too. Thanks for the insightful post.
Thanks for the comment. I really enjoy reading your blog. I do agree many women go through this phase (luckily it’s just a phase for most of us!) and it’s inappropriate for work. I also feel it’s inappropriate for life in general. When flirting or your looks is your only asset, the only leverage you have, it’s difficult for anyone to take you seriously. That means you won’t earn respect, which will affect everything in your life – dating, relationships, and your career.
re Person who shows up late for class. It’s funny when you start seeing that from a different angle. I wasn’t one of those young-men who came into class late, half-asleep, but I was one to show up unprepared to attend.
I’m in a night class now (way after university), and can’t believe it when people (no matter younger or older) show up unprepared, unfinished assignments, no presentation prepared, etc. It’s amazing. I wouldn’t even CONSIDER slacking around the idea of class now – but of course drifted my way through Uni.
t – I’m in grad school now and I feel the same way. I think holding a job teaches you that you just can’t slack off when you don’t want to do things. There’s more at stake than getting a bad grade. Thanks for sharing!
houroc – your comment made me laugh. Notice that I didn’t say I needed to grow up… just that some women do. I’m not the most mature person but I’ve certainly grown up from the self I described in the post =D. Thanks for the comment, and nice sports website.
I am not sure I agree. It really depends on the person, not the gender. I have met both “boys” and “girls” that need to grow up. And it doesn’t seem to lead to one gender. Just their set of social circumstances, it is all in what you are taught and have been around from parents and other mentors.
Justin, I’m not saying growing up is gender specific. There are a lot more articles about men growing up though… so this is another perspective. Thanks for the comment =D
great post, when I read the title I was like “oh no this its going to be interesting” but it was a good post, my ex was like you used to be and thats what drove me away, I quickly realized I needed someone who was more professional (even outside of work) but could still let their hair down and not be “one of THOSE girls”……still no luck in the dept…ha…good post Monica
Monica, great post. I blog about dating and relationships and this post really hit a chord. I’m a big proponent of men improving themselves in every aspect in order to connect with beautiful women, but I also talk a lot about how women could grow up and be worth getting into a relationship with, or even talking to. I call this getting past the “party girl” stage.
One point I would add for women is that they develop rich inner lives. This encompasses many things, but good starting points are 1) getting hobbies (something to talk about besides relationships), 2) being passionate about something, anything, 3) read and acquire knowledge, and 4) open themselves up to men of high value.
Lance e-mailed me your post and I enjoyed it immensely.
I would add that what makes a bachelor commit to a woman is much more than her “brain” in addition to her physical beauty/sexiness.
There are lots of smart, beautiful women who still cannot get their boyfriends of several years to “commit”.
Yet, other women find that men are bringing diamond rings to second and third dates…repeatedly. As creepy as that sounds, it goes on and represents the “opposite” problem, if you will.
What sets these women apart?
It’s a combination of pure, natural femininity and character.
She is proud to be a woman, enjoys it and…importantly…ENJOYS men. She actually LIKES men, and even RESPECTS them. In turn, she attracts men who LIKE and RESPECT women.
Women who believe “all men are dogs and only want one thing” tend to get what they expect. After all, why would any man who respects women fall for a woman like that?
Second, as I mentioned, she has character. In most cases, the women I’ve known whose boyfriends wouldn’t “commit” had valid concerns that she had cheating potential. “Testing” a boyfriend by openly flirting with other guys in front of him is decidedly not a great way to get him to commit.
BTW, every bit of what I’m saying applies in reverse to men who want to attract a great woman. I knew within a very short time of meeting my wife Emily that she was who I’d rather be with than the other women I had been dating. I had to deserve that privilege, however, by being the kind of man who was no less than who she was looking for.
Mike, I’m glad you like the post. You have plenty of time to find a good girl. Thanks as always for adding to the conversation!
Lance, cool. I think the things you listed are awesome additions, and I love your website. Looking forward to reading more of your posts!
Scot, you are right. I like “people get what they expect.” I also agree, Men want women with character… but I think that means something different for every guy. I see “character” as the quirkiness that makes people fall in love with each other. It’s kinda like the scuffs on my boots that make me not ever want to stop wearing them. It’s really hard to put that type of stuff into words. Thanks for the comment!
Monica O'Brien is the Director of Digital at Fizz and author of the book Social Pollination, which helps businesses leverage social media for crazy growth!
"Must read for business owners, marketing professionals, or students looking to understand the next monumental shift in marketing and advertising." Patrick Ambron, CMO of Brand Yourself software
Monica O'Brien is the Director of Digital at Fizz and author of the book Social Pollination, which helps businesses leverage social media for crazy growth!
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
I agree that a lot of young women go through a “phase” like you described above – let’s face it, men make it so easy for us to get away with it! That said, in my opinion, while one thing at a bar, this kind of behavior is totally unacceptable in the business setting. I feel a lot better about getting ahead with great ideas and business savvy than my pretty face… I think your readers will, too. Thanks for the insightful post.
Angela,
Thanks for the comment. I really enjoy reading your blog. I do agree many women go through this phase (luckily it’s just a phase for most of us!) and it’s inappropriate for work. I also feel it’s inappropriate for life in general. When flirting or your looks is your only asset, the only leverage you have, it’s difficult for anyone to take you seriously. That means you won’t earn respect, which will affect everything in your life – dating, relationships, and your career.
Fair enough…
re Person who shows up late for class. It’s funny when you start seeing that from a different angle. I wasn’t one of those young-men who came into class late, half-asleep, but I was one to show up unprepared to attend.
I’m in a night class now (way after university), and can’t believe it when people (no matter younger or older) show up unprepared, unfinished assignments, no presentation prepared, etc. It’s amazing. I wouldn’t even CONSIDER slacking around the idea of class now – but of course drifted my way through Uni.
wow. finally a female who admits that she has growing up to do too….
t – I’m in grad school now and I feel the same way. I think holding a job teaches you that you just can’t slack off when you don’t want to do things. There’s more at stake than getting a bad grade. Thanks for sharing!
houroc – your comment made me laugh. Notice that I didn’t say I needed to grow up… just that some women do. I’m not the most mature person but I’ve certainly grown up from the self I described in the post =D. Thanks for the comment, and nice sports website.
I am not sure I agree. It really depends on the person, not the gender. I have met both “boys” and “girls” that need to grow up. And it doesn’t seem to lead to one gender. Just their set of social circumstances, it is all in what you are taught and have been around from parents and other mentors.
Some people grow out of it, some never do!
Justin, I’m not saying growing up is gender specific. There are a lot more articles about men growing up though… so this is another perspective. Thanks for the comment =D
great post, when I read the title I was like “oh no this its going to be interesting” but it was a good post, my ex was like you used to be and thats what drove me away, I quickly realized I needed someone who was more professional (even outside of work) but could still let their hair down and not be “one of THOSE girls”……still no luck in the dept…ha…good post Monica
Monica, great post. I blog about dating and relationships and this post really hit a chord. I’m a big proponent of men improving themselves in every aspect in order to connect with beautiful women, but I also talk a lot about how women could grow up and be worth getting into a relationship with, or even talking to. I call this getting past the “party girl” stage.
One point I would add for women is that they develop rich inner lives. This encompasses many things, but good starting points are 1) getting hobbies (something to talk about besides relationships), 2) being passionate about something, anything, 3) read and acquire knowledge, and 4) open themselves up to men of high value.
Cheers,
Lance
Hello Monica:
Lance e-mailed me your post and I enjoyed it immensely.
I would add that what makes a bachelor commit to a woman is much more than her “brain” in addition to her physical beauty/sexiness.
There are lots of smart, beautiful women who still cannot get their boyfriends of several years to “commit”.
Yet, other women find that men are bringing diamond rings to second and third dates…repeatedly. As creepy as that sounds, it goes on and represents the “opposite” problem, if you will.
What sets these women apart?
It’s a combination of pure, natural femininity and character.
She is proud to be a woman, enjoys it and…importantly…ENJOYS men. She actually LIKES men, and even RESPECTS them. In turn, she attracts men who LIKE and RESPECT women.
Women who believe “all men are dogs and only want one thing” tend to get what they expect. After all, why would any man who respects women fall for a woman like that?
Second, as I mentioned, she has character. In most cases, the women I’ve known whose boyfriends wouldn’t “commit” had valid concerns that she had cheating potential. “Testing” a boyfriend by openly flirting with other guys in front of him is decidedly not a great way to get him to commit.
BTW, every bit of what I’m saying applies in reverse to men who want to attract a great woman. I knew within a very short time of meeting my wife Emily that she was who I’d rather be with than the other women I had been dating. I had to deserve that privilege, however, by being the kind of man who was no less than who she was looking for.
Cheers,
Scot McKay
X & Y Communications
Mike, I’m glad you like the post. You have plenty of time to find a good girl. Thanks as always for adding to the conversation!
Lance, cool. I think the things you listed are awesome additions, and I love your website. Looking forward to reading more of your posts!
Scot, you are right. I like “people get what they expect.” I also agree, Men want women with character… but I think that means something different for every guy. I see “character” as the quirkiness that makes people fall in love with each other. It’s kinda like the scuffs on my boots that make me not ever want to stop wearing them. It’s really hard to put that type of stuff into words. Thanks for the comment!
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