It’s funny that you mentioned the fact that you’d rather have a female mentor. I wrote a post awhile back where I discussed the same sort of issue. I wanted a male mentor in my life, but everyone I worked with was female.
It was tough because sometimes the line between sexes can make us sugarcoat reality and that’s annoying when all you want to do is learn how to preform better.
One of the arguments I received was that male mentors actually are better for young women because they’re sexually attracted to them and give them much more attention than they would a male.
I can’t argue that you’ll probably get more attention that way, but I guess you really have to ask yourself what the difference is between the attention you’re getting and the attention you want to get.
Anyway, nice post. I like that you put a lot of thought into your perfect mentor. But don’t be too picky.
It’s just like dating. If your standards are too high, you’ll never find the right person.
Thanks for the comment. I completely agree that men will give young women more attention, but like you said, most women are probably aiming for a different type of attention than most men would give them. I can’t say I want my mentor to be sexually attracted to me – it just seems weird and counterproductive. Also, I think young women and women in general rely on flirting to get things, and having a same-sex mentor would help prevent that type of behavior.
I think I know which article you’re talking about. As I recall you got a lot of comments about how you were sexist, but I’m guessing since I’m a woman and not a man I won’t have that problem. Nice double standard there, right?
I think you should always have high dating standards, but I won’t go into it here. Maybe next time.
My mentor came to me unexpectedly, although I'd known him for almost my entire life. I think the best mentoring relationships are the ones that find themselves.
Similarities draw us together, yet we have profound differences that allow us to work on developing my own traits. I only want for him to be proud of me and I will always take his advice to heart. He drives me to do things I wouldn't otherwise do.
I wasn't looking for a mentor or expecting that we would ever be so close. But that's not to say you can't actively pursue a mentoring relationship.
Here's what I would suggest you look for in a mentor:
- that they be a highly successful underdog - that they be widely respected, even famous - that you admire them deeply - that you have similar pasts - that they've started their own companies - that they're financially well off - that they have an undying positive attitude - that you are familiar with their work and publications
Never worry about setting your standards too high. Who do you admire? Who do you look up to? It could be anyone. Then, go and ask them. Impress them. Appeal to their emotions, and take the risk of being honest and open with them. Be patient. Give them value, and they will take you places you never dreamed you would be. It's happening to me.
Monica O'Brien is the Director of Digital at Fizz and author of the book Social Pollination, which helps businesses leverage social media for crazy growth!
"There's no sugar coating in Monica's advice. She understands and outlines what works and doesn't, while she also leaves room to discuss the transient nature of social media."
Grace Boyle, Publisher Services Manager at Lijit
Monica O'Brien is the Director of Digital at Fizz and author of the book Social Pollination, which helps businesses leverage social media for crazy growth!
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Monica,
It’s funny that you mentioned the fact that you’d rather have a female mentor. I wrote a post awhile back where I discussed the same sort of issue. I wanted a male mentor in my life, but everyone I worked with was female.
It was tough because sometimes the line between sexes can make us sugarcoat reality and that’s annoying when all you want to do is learn how to preform better.
One of the arguments I received was that male mentors actually are better for young women because they’re sexually attracted to them and give them much more attention than they would a male.
I can’t argue that you’ll probably get more attention that way, but I guess you really have to ask yourself what the difference is between the attention you’re getting and the attention you want to get.
Anyway, nice post. I like that you put a lot of thought into your perfect mentor. But don’t be too picky.
It’s just like dating. If your standards are too high, you’ll never find the right person.
Ryan,
Thanks for the comment. I completely agree that men will give young women more attention, but like you said, most women are probably aiming for a different type of attention than most men would give them. I can’t say I want my mentor to be sexually attracted to me – it just seems weird and counterproductive. Also, I think young women and women in general rely on flirting to get things, and having a same-sex mentor would help prevent that type of behavior.
I think I know which article you’re talking about. As I recall you got a lot of comments about how you were sexist, but I’m guessing since I’m a woman and not a man I won’t have that problem. Nice double standard there, right?
I think you should always have high dating standards, but I won’t go into it here. Maybe next time.
Thanks again for your thoughts!
Yeah, I always get in trouble when I discuss gender issues…when will I learn my lesson?
My mentor came to me unexpectedly, although I'd known him for almost my entire life. I think the best mentoring relationships are the ones that find themselves.
Similarities draw us together, yet we have profound differences that allow us to work on developing my own traits. I only want for him to be proud of me and I will always take his advice to heart. He drives me to do things I wouldn't otherwise do.
I wasn't looking for a mentor or expecting that we would ever be so close. But that's not to say you can't actively pursue a mentoring relationship.
Here's what I would suggest you look for in a mentor:
- that they be a highly successful underdog
- that they be widely respected, even famous
- that you admire them deeply
- that you have similar pasts
- that they've started their own companies
- that they're financially well off
- that they have an undying positive attitude
- that you are familiar with their work and publications
Never worry about setting your standards too high. Who do you admire? Who do you look up to? It could be anyone. Then, go and ask them. Impress them. Appeal to their emotions, and take the risk of being honest and open with them. Be patient. Give them value, and they will take you places you never dreamed you would be. It's happening to me.
I really like this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEPtqx90grI
good luck