Future

Image Source: JKPaul via FlickR

Today, one of my friends asked me, “What’s the one thing you want to do most with your life?”

I answered quickly, “I want to start a business.”

He replied, “I want to have a great family.  But I feel like I’m not doing anything to work towards a great family, and it makes me wonder why I’m doing all of this.”

The “this” he was referring to is his high-stress job and his twice-weekly commute from Wisconsin to Chicago to attend graduate classes.  I sympathize, seeing as I have the same setup, minus the 2.5 hour drive.

So I asked him what he would be doing now if he was working towards his goal.  He said he would date, so that two years from now he could find a great girl, and two years from then they could have a great wedding, and a few years later he’d have great kids.  A great plan indeed; one that could be modeled in Microsoft Project even.

But like most projects, dates get pushed back, or forward, priorities get shifted, and shared resources (our time) becomes a nightmare to manage.  We are Gen Y, and we want to find happiness.  The problem is we don’t define it well.

We’ve spent our entire lives to this point learning to trade up.  Do well in high school and you get into a good college.  Do well in college and you get a good job.  Do well at that job and you get a better job. 

The theme is “do well,” but in real life, “doing well” doesn’t work for every situation.  Like relationships.  Do well in a relationship and you get engaged, or married.  Or maybe it doesn’t work out and you break up, for no good reason.  Do well with marriage and you get healthy kids to round out your perfect family.  Or maybe you get sick kids, or you get divorced, or both.

We have an idealistic vision of how our lives will be if we just “do well,” and then it doesn’t play out that way.  And we become unhappy and lose faith in our big plan, when our plan was unrealistic to begin with.

Because happiness is not about having a “great job” or a “great family,” unfortunately.  Happiness is not something we can work harder for or “do better” to achieve.  My friend wants something that doesn’t have a clear path, and there’s a very real chance he won’t ever get it just the way he imagined, no matter how hard he tries.

So stop chasing happiness, or thinking your life is going to be a certain way if you just work harder.  Real happiness comes from living life, right now.  Solve the problem in front of you and take things one step at a time, and be prepared to shift gears if necessary.  I have no idea what the future holds for me, but I know however differently my life turns out from what I expected, I will be okay.