Lance asked me to contribute my thoughts to his topic about how to make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex, because he was inspired by my post, here. Lance is a pretty funny guy, and his website is pretty entertaining, and I had trouble resisting his charm.
So here is a lighthearted post about three things I think young women want from men; or maybe these are just things I want 
. Please feel free to add your own thoughts about this topic in the comments section; and at the bottom of the post you can read some of the other participants’ posts, which I’m sure will be more racy than mine!
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A man who makes her feel special. Buy me flowers and I’ll ask for a vase. Buy me chocolates and I’ll gain two pounds. But write me a letter telling me how you feel about me? I would probably frame it. Making a woman feel special takes effort, but it goes much further than a corny, meaningless, hallmark-packaged “gesture” would.
A man who challenges her. Nice guys finish last, right? The truth is women are too independent for overly “nice guys” these days. I dated guys who treated me like a princess – very agreeable, always attentive. Then I met a guy who wasn’t afraid to tell me I was wrong and didn’t give me whatever I wanted - my husband. This isn’t to say be a jerk, but don’t fall over backwards either.
A man who knows how to “man up.” The term is confusing, because women still want guys who share their emotions and groom themselves properly. But women don’t think it’s manly to act overly macho anymore; they would prefer you have goals and learn responsibility. I could care less if you choose a career or a family to man up – the important thing is you actually choose to do so!
Further Reading:
It’s “common knowledge” that women have always been the mature sex, thus absolving us from degrading terms like “child-man.” I put “common knowledge” in quotes because I still meet silly girls every day who continue to rely on their own childish techniques to get attention. I recognize them, because not too long ago I was one of them:
- I was the girl who flirted shamelessly so she’d never have to pay for drinks. Who was still partying at the frat house at 4am, even though she had a boyfriend.
- I was the girl who showed up late to every class, if she bothered going, because she could get away with it. Regardless of how rude it was.
- I was the girl who spent all her money on clothes and other things she didn’t need. Who called daddy or boyfriend every time she wanted something done, or just wanted something period.
Maybe you were too. Maybe you still are, even if it’s more subtle in your post-college years. In that case, don’t tell me how there are no good guys interested in marriage. Don’t pretend being superficial is okay. Don’t fool yourself into thinking your outward beauty means you’ll never end up alone.
Instead, give guys a reason to want to settle down. Be interesting. Be lovely
. Be someone worth giving up bachelorhood for.
Sure, men need to grow up, but they aren’t the only ones.
Women, do you need to grow up? Here are four things that might help:
- Buy a full length mirror, if you don’t already own one. If you look in the mirror before heading out the door for work and can use the words “hot” or “sexy,” change. Keep changing until the words “professional” and “classy” come up.
- Manage your own finances. I read Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich : 75 Avoidable Mistakes Women Make with Money
my senior year of college, and it changed my life. I recommend it, even if you think you have your finances figured out.
- Take a kick-boxing class. There’s nothing so mentally and physically challenging as martial arts. You will learn integrity, discipline, and how to kick someone’s ass. The better body is a bonus.
- Surround yourself with women. Let’s face it – it’s easy for you to get what you want from men. So stop spending time with men and work with more women. You’re less likely to get things you want by flirting with a woman, so the relationships will teach you how to negotiate and express your ideas succinctly. Women hold other women accountable – use it to your advantage to become a better person.
Draw all people to you rather than pushing yourself on the opposite sex. It’s more rewarding to have others come to you, for your brain, not your cup size or pretty face, because you’re just that fantastic.
Image Source: InkyGirl via FlickR
I originally felt guilty about writing about the importance of having a mentor since I myself can’t seem to find one. But, like any writer knows, all it takes is a different angle, so instead of writing about the awesome mentor I don’t have I am writing about mentor wish lists.
You’ve heard the saying “you can’t find what you want until you know what it is?” So you need a mentor wish list. Sounds simple, right?
Here’s mine:
Men need not apply. I’m quite the Daddy’s girl and I’ve noticed I develop a father/daughter relationship with any man over 45. I’ve had three male bosses, the current of which is fantastic (and a little younger – perhaps a factor?). Still, men are more reserved towards women. A man is unlikely to tell me all the things I’m doing wrong because it’s “improper” or whatever – or maybe I’ve just had nice managers so far. Either way, I know a woman would not feel the need to sugar-coat things with me, and thus would be a more beneficial mentor.
Entrepreneurs welcomed. I want someone who has started her own business. Of all the executive women I’ve met, they all seem to be saying the same thing when it comes to climbing the corporate ladder. If you’re not in the mood to click, here’s a quote that basically sums it up: “Glaciers are moving faster than women’s movement into the corner office.” Career coach and best-selling author Judith Wright started her own business when she hit the glass ceiling, as did Michelle Ringwood, CEO of Pronto Connections. Women aren’t at the top in corporations because they’re leaving to pursue their own visions with (hopefully) more flexible schedules, and I don’t see this trend changing in the near future.
I am woman. I need someone who is a bit of a feminist. Perhaps that’s because I want someone who will tell me not to worry about work/life balance because it’s a load of BS. Maybe I just want someone who understands why I don’t cook or dust or do laundry or scrub floors. Either way, I won’t get along with a woman who thinks Suzy Housewife and Katie Career Woman go in the same sentence. (<– As you can see they don’t!)
Sense of style please. I’m interested in the fashion business, so I actually have a legitimate reason for having this on my list. It would be distracting and difficult for me to admire someone with poor aesthetic taste, which would make them a poor mentor choice for me.
I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Unfortunately, just having a mentor wish list is not enough. Think about it – the wish list is like a job description for a role that people don’t necessarily seek out on their own. In order to find a mentor, I have to take my list and actively search for someone who fits, then hope that person likes me enough and is willing to take the time to help me develop my career. That’s a lot of things that have to fall in place – or maybe I’m just a little pessimistic after searching for almost a year with no luck. There’s one other option – if I find some of these characteristics in a few different people, it might be easier to divide the work.
What’s your mentor wish list? How did you find your mentor(s)? Does anyone else struggle with finding a mentor after sincerely looking? Do you have ideas on how to find a mentor? Please leave your thoughts in the comments section!
Monica O'Brien is the Director of Digital at Fizz and author of the book Social Pollination, which helps businesses leverage social media for crazy growth!
